By Jim Bradford, Chapter Co-Chair at Mission Trail Middle School for Father’s Club

From the moment our children are born, we’re waiting for the firsts. Their first word. Their first step. Their first tooth.

A parents’ world revolves around the firsts. They’re never ending and never get old.

No one wants to miss those firsts, either. Witnessing every single one of those firsts is a right of passage for every parent. You never want to be the one to say, “Oh, I can’t believe I missed it!”

Parents are wired to remember, and celebrate, the firsts.

But in time, those first become lasts. That’s a whole other set of emotions, right?

Along that road from first to last is the middle and that’s where Father’s Club flourishes. That’s part of the reason we’ve begun opening Father’s Club chapters at the middle school level in Olathe, to be sure we help fill that gap. More are coming, too. Additional chapters at middle schools in Olathe,  Blue Valley and North Kansas City are set to begin in the fall.

And as we look to help fill those gaps – the middles – it’s the work we do at the middle school level that can be the most important. That’s where we build the base for being a positive influence, being present in the lives of these students.

While our impact at the high school level is important, getting the buy-in from impactful dads at middle school is paramount.

At the elementary level in Olathe, we’re able to connect with our students and so many others through the Watch D.O.G.S. program, even if for just one day a year, maybe two. But after that, there wasn’t anything in place for dads to do to stay involved.

Enter Father’s Club at the middle school.

Keeping dads engaged immediately after their kids leave elementary school makes for a much easier transition to Father’s Club at the high school level. Making an impact immediately at middle school keeps the train moving into high school, helping to eliminate the need for so much recruitment of dads when high school starts. The dads are already involved, engaged and ready to step in and continue making that impact, being present for all the kids.

The mission of Father’s Club is no different at middle school than it is at high school. We strive to be intentional in everything we do for the students, fellow dads and everyone within our community, but that intentionality just might mean a little bit more to 11-, 12- and 13-year-olds.

You never know when that subtle interaction can become that perfect elixir to brighten someone’s day or spark something. We may not be moving mountains, but what we can do is be there to support their journey. No one’s journey is the same. And sometimes the middle of that journey can be the toughest part. It’s easy to start and once you’ve got it figured out, the ending comes flying at you at 80 miles and hour.

It’s in the middle where most of the hard work is done and that’s when Father’s Club can lend support to these kids. They need it. And they may not even know it.

Let’s not let the things in the middle get overlooked and slip away.

Our role is two-fold, really. We want to be there for them as they get knee-deep in the middle and, second, we want to set the foundation for our high school Father’s Club. It’s there where we help them get to the lasts before they walk across that stage and embark on some new firsts.

If you want to get involved, or know someone who might be able to make a difference at either the middle school or high school level, you can find some more great info about Father’s Club here!

By Dan Holdhusen, Grandfather of three graduates and one currently enrolled in Blue Valley High School

Simon Sinek has a unique observation about being a leader: “Leadership is not a rank or position to be attained. Leadership is a service to be given.” In a nutshell, this simple, yet profound quote describes Kevin Easterday, Board member and Treasurer for Father’s Club.

Kevin is a living example of the what the Father’s Club mission declares as he lives out being an example of a humble, servant leader by carefully selecting his priorities “with resolve, humility, and love, [and] to be a catalyst for positive influence around the world.”

Looking for Purpose-Filled Volunteer Opportunities

It may seem remarkable that a banking and finance professional like Kevin would seek to live his life by mitigating risk-taking. He discarded that notion by stepping into a leadership role with the Blue Valley Southwest chapter some years ago, even though both his kids had already graduated from BVSW and moved on to college careers and, later, to their own families and professional careers. In Kevin’s words: “I was looking for purpose-filled volunteer opportunities since my bandwidth had broadened now that my kids were no longer living at home.” He was also seeking fellowship with other dads.

He wanted to let his hair down (take a look at his picture and you will get a chuckle at that statement) and “be real and transparent” with guys who were self-proclaimed “broken men” just wanting to make a difference and show up for Father’s Club events. He also sought opportunities to live a life of authenticity, while, at the same time, have influence in the lives of kids and the community. From there, he stepped up to serve on the Father’s Club Board of Directors, and eventually into the role as Treasurer, where he has served for the past four years. But now, as life would have it, he and his wife, Laura, are taking a bold new step in their lives.

A Bold New Step

They are pulling up the Easterday roots and moving to Denver, CO, after Kevin received and accepted an offer (only the second job in his life!) that was too good to be true, and one he had not sought. Given the ability and wherewithal to stay connected remotely, he will continue with his Father’s Club leadership roles – at least for the time being – and plans to be purposeful by slowly and deliberately expanding the Father’s Club footprint to the Denver area. That is the sort of servant leader he is.

On multiple levels, moving to a different part of the country was a difficult decision for Kevin and Laura. They are leaving their two children in Kansas – their son, Drew and daughter, Ashley, and their families – and moving to set down new roots and adventures with a new employer, in a new community and in a new job. They have definitely lived life by the motto that “life is what happens when you’re making other plans.”

Kevin and Laura have already experienced many “final” things as they very recently moved to Colorado after living the entirety of their lives – up to this point – in the Kansas City metro area. Selling their home, leaving their neighbors, leaving the only job and workmates he had ever known. They have already lived a full life since being high school sweethearts and graduates at St. Thomas Aquinas, through their college years thereafter, and getting married and starting their family in the mid-nineties. The most important “final” is moving a distance and saying good-bye (temporarily, of course) to their kids and their families.

When asked what he has appreciated and liked the most about Father’s Club, Kevin’s response was immediate and from the heart:

• Fellowship with other dads;
• Camaraderie with like-minded men;
• An opportunity to “fill the void” at a crucial time in his life;
• Meeting new and life-long friends;
• Living life with deep and authentic friendships; and of course;
• Serving and loving the amazing kids and staff who are part of the campuses that make up the Father’s Club.

There is that word again – SERVING. To repeat Simon Sinek’s quote: “Leadership is a service to be given.”

Good Luck Kevin!

For the time being, we say goodbye to Kevin and Laura. But really, it is only another beginning for a great servant leader.

Writer’s note: As mentioned above, Kevin will continue in his role on the Board and as Treasurer remotely, so you will still hear from him from time to time. If anyone wants to drop a note of thanks and congratulations to Kevin and Laura, they can be sent to kevin.easterday@fathersclub.org.

By Steven Richmond

Middle school can be rough. In addition to just growing up, there are a lot of other things going on including family expectations, social challenges, stepped-up academics, and extra curricular activities. It takes a lot to keep things balanced. All too often we are so busy we either don’t slow down long enough to recognize kindness, or we intend to say thank you but simply forget. We all do it and our kids do it too.

Overthinking Kindness

Ross Pomeroy, editor for RealClearScience, believes that random acts of kindness are rare for one simple and surprising reason. We overthink being kind.

Unsolicited acts of kindness generally boost the well being of both givers and receivers, so why do we not see acts of kindness performed more often? Research suggests that people are afraid their act of kindness will be misinterpreted. People also undervalue how good an act of kindness will make the receiver feel. If you want to perform an act of kindness for someone, don’t overthink it. Just do it! In most cases, people underestimate the positive effects of a kind act.

Kindness starts with being kind to yourself.

Kindness is more than behavior. The art of kindness involves harboring a spirit of helpfulness, being generous and considerate, and doing so without expecting anything in return. Rather than viewing it exclusively as an action, think of kindness as a quality of being you can cultivate. Giving kindness often is simple, free and even has health benefits! Kindness is good for the body and good for the mind.

Why do some people feel uncomfortable when someone is nice to them?

Many people feel uncomfortable when someone is nice to them because of low self-esteem. People who struggle with self-esteem issues often have difficulty believing they are worthy of love, affection, and admiration from others, much less kindness. Before you can accept kindness from others, don’t forget to be kind to yourself.

What started the Caught in Kindness challenge?

A Harvard study found that being kind or actively observing kindness around us boosted happiness. We feel happier when we act in service to others.

Listening to my son and his friends talk about how other students talk to each other in the halls and cafeteria was surprising. What was once considered disrespectful has turned into: What? Can’t you take a joke? Racially injected speech is not unusual, and being kind to others is often made fun of.

February 17th was National Random Acts of Kindness day, so what better time to be intentional and spotlight kindness?

Father’s Club, in conjunction with California Trail Middle School, agreed to challenge the students to pay attention and recognize 2,000 random acts of kindness during the week of February 20th. Why? Because “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” We become kinder with practice.

We partnered with a local printer who provided 3,000 Caught in Kindness Cards and a variety of posters emphasizing different characteristics of kindness and affirmations like;

Respect – treating people, places, and things with kindness
Inclusiveness – including others, inviting people in, and welcoming others with open arms.
Responsibility – being reliable to do the things that are expected or required of you
Caring – feeling and showing concern for others
Integrity – acting in a way you know to be right and read in all situations
Courage – being brave when facing new or difficult circumstances

How did the Challenge Go?

We placed posters throughout the hallways and common areas. Each day of the challenge, a number of dads showed up over lunch to hand out Caught in Kindness cards, talk to the students about kindness, encourage them to slow down, peel away from their devices, and recognize the kindness around them.

The following Wednesday, another group of dads had a blast handing out Rice Krispy Treats, Fruit by the Foot, Pop Smart, and other treats to applaud the students in recognizing over 1,300 acts of kindness. Who would have thought that Peeps and Pop Tarts were so popular!

Choose Kindness

While we do not have control over others, we have control over ourselves. Take a moment to pause, be your best self and Make Kindness Common.

Words matter be kind
You are brave
You are worth it
You are loved
You are one of a kind
You are awesome
You are smart
You are valued
You are strong
Be patient
Give grace
Find the good
Be the good

Resources

Practice the art of kindness-the mayo clinic.
https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/the-art-of-kindness

The heart and science of kindness
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-heart-and-science-of-kindness-2019041816447

Discover Gratitude
https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/wellness/gratitude

Kickstart Kindness
https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/wellness/kindness

Random Acts of Kindness
https://www.randomactsofkindness.org

By Brody Dorland – Chapter Chair of Olathe South Father’s Club

Let me start by saying that this post may be a bit “heavier” than others you may have read on the Father’s Club blog, but the epidemic of poor mental health in our communities can’t be taken lightly. A quick review of recent statistics tells a shocking tale. Houston, we have a problem.

But let me back up… The Father’s Club organization was originally conceived at Blue Valley High School as a result of yet another student suicide, one of 15 that had taken place within Johnson County schools in the 2017/18 school year.

A group of concerned fathers came together to take action. Since then, the organization has grown to over 25 school chapters, and improving the mental well-being of our kids, FC members, and local communities remains a core objective.

Olathe South Father’s Club Mental Health Training – Feb. 7th, 2024

With suicide being the second leading cause of death for teens in Kansas, I’m proud to be a part of an organization that is putting so much attention on our kids’ well-being. But, our kids aren’t the only ones who are struggling.

A healthy portion of Father’s Club’s new Mental Health & Well-Being Training series focuses on the other high-risk segment of our communities, middle-aged men. Men, in general, take their lives in far greater numbers than women.

Source: CDC Suicide Data & Statistics

And when broken down by other attributes like age and ethnicity, the picture is even more grim for men aged 45 to 54, the highest risk age group.

The Stigma

Unless you’re living under a rock, it’s obvious that awareness of the topic of mental health, and the effort to destigmatize talking about it, has increased dramatically over the last decade. But that doesn’t mean the male population at large is going to change their hardwiring overnight.

We’ve largely been conditioned to be the strong, stoic providers that don’t want to burden our families with our day-to-day traumas. And that’s “traumas” with a little “t”, not a big “T”. Big traumatic events have their obvious impacts on anyone who has experienced them. But “little t” traumas often go undiscussed and can build into a burden that gets too heavy for many middle-aged men to handle.

This situation was really the key focus of our Olathe South Father’s Club Mental Health Training event held on Feb. 7th, 2024.

Todd Milner, Director of Mental Health and Wellness/Board Member

A Few Simple Tools

Since we’re men, we like things simple, and we like tools. Here are three simple tools that were my key takeaways from the training.

1. Make time to reach out to and engage with the people that are important to you. This obviously includes family, but friends, colleagues, and community members should also be in the mix.
2. Don’t just ask the typical, “How are you doing?” – Ask it a second time… “How are you REALLY doing?” – This second ask has a jarring way of opening people up to a much deeper conversation about what’s REALLY going on in their world. It also subtly communicates your intentionality, that you really care and are interested in listening.
3. Don’t hesitate to ask the big question – There will likely come a time when you’re dealing with someone who is obviously struggling. We, as men, need to be prepared to ask, “Have you ever thought about hurting yourself, or someone else?”

Asking this question to someone who is down might be tough. That’s the stigma talking. We need to destigmatize the fear or uneasiness of asking that question, especially when your spidey sense is telling you something is off with someone you care about.

Awareness to Action

I’ll close with this… FC Mental Health trainers Todd Milner and Darrin Wolff did a great job of building our awareness of the severity of the problem and walking us through the fundamentals of QPR. But some of the most impactful parts of our training came from our attendees opening up with stories of things they’ve dealt with in the past, or are currently facing. One such story from trainer Darrin Wolff really hit home.

Darrin Wolff, Mental Health and Wellness Trainer/Board Member

It started with a phone call to a business colleague. Coincidentally, Darrin had just completed his QPR certification days prior. Over the phone, Darrin could tell that his colleague was down and really struggling with something. His recent training gave Darrin the awareness to ask THE question in that moment, despite the natural fear and hesitation. Turns out, his colleague had thought about taking his life just hours before Darrin’s call.

Ditch the stigma. Get over your uneasiness. The lives of those around you are more important than your hesitation, embarrassment, or fear of asking an important question.

To sign up for one of these classes, visit the Father’s Club Events page and find a Mental Health + Wellness class that works with your schedule. To attend you will need to register and a donation of $40 would help defray the cost of the program, but is not required.

By Todd Milner, Director of Mental Health and Wellness/Board Member for Father’s Club

At the end of 2023, I announced a series of Mental Health and Well Being Essentials courses that would be offered in the first quarter of 2024. Father’s Club kicked off its 2024 Mental Health & Wellbeing Essentials workshops In January! 25 dads gathered to learn skills and be better equipped to talk about mental wellbeing with their families, their buddies, and their communities!

Our goal is to train 1,000 dads in 2024 and we have gotten off to a great start!

This course introduces and expands upon the fundamentals of mental health and well-being. Participants will gain an understanding of what impacts our mental health, common challenges, and the importance of emotional and psychological well-being. Men, in particular, often tend to disguise and quash issues related to their friends’ or their own mental health. Attendees will learn why this is an important topic to Father’s Club through presentation and group discussion. At the conclusion of the course, we will learn how we can all make a difference in our lives, at home and in our community.

An important element of the workshop is QPR (Question, Persuade & Refer)

QPR is a suicide prevention training for the participants to be able to recognize the warning signs of suicide by learning how to question, persuade, and refer people at risk for suicide for help.

Not only will the attendees leave the workshop better equipped to handle hard conversations, but they will take with them a 2-year QPR certification, a Father’s Club Challenge Medallion and a toolbox full of ways to help others struggling or in crisis find help, healing and resilience!

A main objective of the courses is to add Three simple things to each dad’s toolbox that allow them to help them to be intentional about their own mental wellbeing, as well as lead their families in learning how to be more resilient. Father’s Club’s Mental Health & Wellbeing Essentials Workshops teach and discuss very simple, but important rules of how to…

1. Find Quiet Time – work on YOU! Unplug daily or Take inventory of what’s working and what’s not in YOU!
2. Do something with your family each week! No phones, no complaining, no big family meeting, no Just find time to talk & LISTEN!
3. Do something to impact others? Write a handwritten note to your kids, your spouse and those who need an encouraging word! Make a phone call or go grab coffee with someone who just needs someone to listen to them!

Take the Course!

Several courses have been scheduled in the first six months of this year, and several more are expected to be planned in the second half of the year. Signing up is very easy: Simply click on the Events page of the Father’s Club website, click on a Mental Health + Workshop event that is convenient for you, and register. There is a $40 fee that is requested in the application process to help defray expenses, which includes a light meal and some materials.

Don’t hesitate to take advantage of this exceptional opportunity to help you become aware of some simple tools that will make a huge difference in your life and the lives of your loved ones.