The joy of being a Father!

By Todd Milner, Director of Mental Health and Wellness/Board Member for Father’s Club

Father’s Day is this weekend! Saturday, June 16th. Of course we had to write about it. :)

Father’s Day was created in 1910 to celebrate and honor the importance that a father plays in being the leader and protector of his family. This day was designed and dedicated to all the fathers who stand as a pillar for their family members. Father’s Day is a day to show our love and gratitude to our fathers and make them feel special!

Fun facts:

• According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the necktie is the most popular of all Father’s Day gifts. (We can do better kiddos!)
• The first unofficial Father’s Day was celebrated on June 19, 1910.
• President Lyndon Johnson endorsed the nationwide commemoration of Father’s Day on the third Sunday of June in 1966.
• President Nixon officially declared Father’s Day a national holiday in 1972.
• The origin of the word dad may simply be baby talk – “dada” meaning ‘Father’.
• There are 1.5 billion fathers worldwide.
• Father’s Day is the fifth-largest card-sending occasion in America with almost 100 million Father’s Day cards sent each year.
• Only 50% of all Father’s Day cards are purchased for dads.

While many fathers get to hear, “Thank you for being there every day with just the love and guidance I’ve needed. Everything you’ve taught me has stuck with me and I’m lucky to have a dad like you.” “Dad, you have given me the best things in life: Your time, your care, and your love. I am truly grateful to have you in my life.” Sadly, there many fathers who experience sadness, loneliness and depression due to a loss of a child, a loss of their own father or they find themselves living in a split family. These events or “fence posts” are present and painful in many men’s lives, making it hard to celebrate or be celebrated on this day.

A father cares for his family unconditionally.

A father shows his children the way they should go in this world. He protects and works hard for his family. He sets a good example and makes sure his family doesn’t go without — even if he does. A father wears many hats in the life of his family: provider, protector, leader, teacher, helper, encourager, and friend.

A Father is a protector, teacher and encourager; he picks you up when you fall, he brushes you off and lets you try again; he is often referred to as a son’s first hero and daughter’s first love.

What does a daughter need from her father?

• Transparency
• Be a Good Example
• Share your Passions
• Unconditional Love
• Loving Imperfections
• Patience
• Support
• Reassurance

A daughter needs her dad to be transparent and honest with her. He needs to be an example of a good and loving husband, a great friend, a community member, a worker, a parent, and a “real” person. Why? Your daughter is going to model all of the future men in her life after her father, including the man she’s going to end up marrying. So, you want her to have high standards, and those standards are modeled after her dad!

She also needs you to share your passions and mistakes with her. She doesn’t need someone who has lived their life perfectly, rather someone that encourages a life of integrity. Being real with her is a vital part of building a strong and healthy relationship with your daughter as she grows to become an adult. She needs to see and know the “real you” who makes mistakes and has flaws.

Daughters need unconditional love. They need to know that no matter how much they mess up that their dad will always be there for them and love them unconditionally! Daughters need love, patience, honesty, encouragement, a good listening ears and a shoulder to cry on.

As a daughter grows up, she will undoubtedly make many mistakes. Having a father that is constantly reassuring that he’s proud of her no matter what she does is critical to her development as a young lady! No matter how busy your life gets, taking time to sit down and do something like chatting on the phone, playing a game of cards, going on a drive, just listening are so important in always reassuring her that she is loved, seen and you are proud of her. Our daughters need quality time with the man they will model their relationships after, their fathers!

What does a son need from his father?

• Role Model
• Forgiveness
• Discipline
• Teacher
• Unconditional Love
• Strength
• Respect
• Integrity & honesty

A son needs many of the same things as a daughter does but most importantly a son is looking to his father to be a role model. He needs a teacher and a strong male figure in his life that provides visual examples of what it means to be a strong man of integrity!  He needs someone to look up to and someone to model his life after. He needs a man who can show him how to be a gentleman.  He needs his father to show him what respect and honesty looks like. He needs his dad to show him how to value and respect women.  He needs to see from his father an example of how to love his future wife unconditionally.

A son needs his father to understand when he makes a mistake how to use those times as a learning opportunity knowing his dad once walked in similar shoes.  He wants a dad who no matter what will have his back and will love him unconditionally. A son needs his fathers to be present and engaged consistently in his life to celebrate mountain top experiences and/or help him navigate through tough times.

Sons need their fathers to be men of character that they can look up to and see great examples of what it means to be a man. They need to learn discipline and humility from their fathers. They need to know that no matter what happens or what they do that they can always come to their fathers and talk it out without judgement.  Our sons need quality time with the man they will model their life after!

Fathers these are very long & demanding lists from our sons and daughters! The great news is that all this hard work, sleepless nights and tears shed will be repaid by the joy you will get in seeing your sons and daughters thrive and live a life they learned from talking and watching you!  There is no more important job in this world than to be an engaged, intentional, passionate and loving father!

Happy Father’s dads!  You got this!