Fire Starter

By Todd Milner, Director of Mental Health and Wellness/Board Member for Father’s Club

Father’s Words, the intentional sparks that fuel life’s fires!

Starting a fire is probably one of our most primitive man skills, yet still useful today. Although nowadays most of us likely don’t use natural kindling or rocks to spark our cooking or comforting fires anymore. We have matches, paraffin, lighters, gas canisters, and many more options available.

Yet, the one thing all men have readily available to start fires with, are our tongues. You might even say we all have tongues of fire! Our words can lead to action, or even inaction.

Most men, when gathering or out on adventure, rate and prove something to each other by the manner they can make and safely contain fires. But then we go and seem to forget to do the same with the use of our tongues. Our tongues create words, which create mental constructs and inspire or impede actions. The power of life and death lie in our words.

How well developed are our man skills when it comes to the fires started by our words?

Our words are sparks flying around in the spiritual and intellectual atmosphere. Our words can spark a forest fire, destroying shelter and beauty, or our words can spark a fireplace, an inviting place of warmth and security to gather around. We can raid people’s hopes and dreams by what we speak into their lives. Or we can reinforce their hopes and dreams by what we say. Our tongues have the power to direct both our lives and the lives of others. And we will all be accountable for our words. Especially those of us who are in positions of authority.

But if you are a man, you are already in a position of authority whether you like it or not. Whether you know it or not. The question, when you are a man, isn’t whether you have a voice of authority and if your words carry weight, it’s a question of how well you wield this authority and whether you carefully weigh what you say.

From your mouth comes both praise and cursing, both pessimism and optimism.

If you have friends, whether they are going through struggles or triumphs, your words can build them up or tear them down.

If you are married or steadily seeing a girl you’d like to betroth, what and how you speak to her may push her forward or pull her backward in life. A husband’s words carry immense weight, even if most men don’t ever feel or see the effects of it themselves.

If you have children, be careful how you speak into their lives, for you might burn the bush of dreams down, or even set ablaze unrealistic expectations for their future. But if you are careful, if you are intentional, you spark the fire that fuels their future, the comforting fire that gives an escape to the challenges they face, the fireplace they can find warmth, warnings, and war counsel all the same. The affirmation of fathers, and friends, fuel the fires for the youth’s future.

Recognize today that you are in fact a fire starter!

1. What types of fires have you started with your words lately? Do they need to be extinguished?
2. How can you assure you are speaking uplifting truth, instead of destructive doubts, into the lives of your children, your family and your friends?
3. Where do you go or who do you turn to when you need an extinguisher or when you need help getting the fire lit?

Are you going be a man that sparks the bush to burn down? Or are you going to be the man, the husband, the father, the friend, the manager, colleague, or coach that sparks the fireplace for others to gather and be drawn by?