By Jim Bradford, Chapter Co-Chair at Mission Trail Middle School for Father’s Club

School’s out! Just in time, right?

The cold winter afternoons seem like a lifetime ago and those brisk spring mornings are suddenly a memory. In their place are warm evenings, staying up late and sleeping in.

Summer is here and all these kids certainly deserve a break. So do we, honestly, but summer is really about the little ones.

While the immediate thoughts turn to a seemingly endless summer of fun on the gaming console of choice or the rotating door of sleepovers, it’s important to remember the true gift that we’re handed when school is out – time.

It’s the most valuable of our commodities and we shouldn’t waste it.

Take time to make time. Summer is built for just that.

Ready for some harsh truths? As parents of middle schoolers, we are guaranteed around six or seven summers before those kiddos are off to college. As parents of high schoolers, it’s even more eye-popping as we have anywhere from one to three. Let that sink in. Depending on what grade your kiddo is in, you have anywhere from one to seven chances to bask in the summer sun with them before they are off to college. And then summers will look a lot different.

So, as we settle into summertime, it’s a good time to make some memories. Between fastballs and grounders, let’s soak up some sun poolside. When you’re not killing time between softball games, catch some fireflies at dusk.

OK, it’s more than Norman Rockwell summer fun, sure.

It’s a time for trips to the lake, fishing from the docks, learning to waterski. Or for those heading to the coast down south, it’s all about the beach.

While connecting with students through all of our efforts at the middle school and high school level is great, summer is for connecting with those that matter most.

Let’s make the summer of 2024 be all about family, friends and the Fourth of July.

And while your at it, see if any of those friends might be interested in joining Father’s Club, huh?

By Todd Milner, Director of Mental Health and Wellness/Board Member for Father’s Club

Father’s Day is this weekend! Saturday, June 16th. Of course we had to write about it. :)

Father’s Day was created in 1910 to celebrate and honor the importance that a father plays in being the leader and protector of his family. This day was designed and dedicated to all the fathers who stand as a pillar for their family members. Father’s Day is a day to show our love and gratitude to our fathers and make them feel special!

Fun facts:

• According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the necktie is the most popular of all Father’s Day gifts. (We can do better kiddos!)
• The first unofficial Father’s Day was celebrated on June 19, 1910.
• President Lyndon Johnson endorsed the nationwide commemoration of Father’s Day on the third Sunday of June in 1966.
• President Nixon officially declared Father’s Day a national holiday in 1972.
• The origin of the word dad may simply be baby talk – “dada” meaning ‘Father’.
• There are 1.5 billion fathers worldwide.
• Father’s Day is the fifth-largest card-sending occasion in America with almost 100 million Father’s Day cards sent each year.
• Only 50% of all Father’s Day cards are purchased for dads.

While many fathers get to hear, “Thank you for being there every day with just the love and guidance I’ve needed. Everything you’ve taught me has stuck with me and I’m lucky to have a dad like you.” “Dad, you have given me the best things in life: Your time, your care, and your love. I am truly grateful to have you in my life.” Sadly, there many fathers who experience sadness, loneliness and depression due to a loss of a child, a loss of their own father or they find themselves living in a split family. These events or “fence posts” are present and painful in many men’s lives, making it hard to celebrate or be celebrated on this day.

A father cares for his family unconditionally.

A father shows his children the way they should go in this world. He protects and works hard for his family. He sets a good example and makes sure his family doesn’t go without — even if he does. A father wears many hats in the life of his family: provider, protector, leader, teacher, helper, encourager, and friend.

A Father is a protector, teacher and encourager; he picks you up when you fall, he brushes you off and lets you try again; he is often referred to as a son’s first hero and daughter’s first love.

What does a daughter need from her father?

• Transparency
• Be a Good Example
• Share your Passions
• Unconditional Love
• Loving Imperfections
• Patience
• Support
• Reassurance

A daughter needs her dad to be transparent and honest with her. He needs to be an example of a good and loving husband, a great friend, a community member, a worker, a parent, and a “real” person. Why? Your daughter is going to model all of the future men in her life after her father, including the man she’s going to end up marrying. So, you want her to have high standards, and those standards are modeled after her dad!

She also needs you to share your passions and mistakes with her. She doesn’t need someone who has lived their life perfectly, rather someone that encourages a life of integrity. Being real with her is a vital part of building a strong and healthy relationship with your daughter as she grows to become an adult. She needs to see and know the “real you” who makes mistakes and has flaws.

Daughters need unconditional love. They need to know that no matter how much they mess up that their dad will always be there for them and love them unconditionally! Daughters need love, patience, honesty, encouragement, a good listening ears and a shoulder to cry on.

As a daughter grows up, she will undoubtedly make many mistakes. Having a father that is constantly reassuring that he’s proud of her no matter what she does is critical to her development as a young lady! No matter how busy your life gets, taking time to sit down and do something like chatting on the phone, playing a game of cards, going on a drive, just listening are so important in always reassuring her that she is loved, seen and you are proud of her. Our daughters need quality time with the man they will model their relationships after, their fathers!

What does a son need from his father?

• Role Model
• Forgiveness
• Discipline
• Teacher
• Unconditional Love
• Strength
• Respect
• Integrity & honesty

A son needs many of the same things as a daughter does but most importantly a son is looking to his father to be a role model. He needs a teacher and a strong male figure in his life that provides visual examples of what it means to be a strong man of integrity!  He needs someone to look up to and someone to model his life after. He needs a man who can show him how to be a gentleman.  He needs his father to show him what respect and honesty looks like. He needs his dad to show him how to value and respect women.  He needs to see from his father an example of how to love his future wife unconditionally.

A son needs his father to understand when he makes a mistake how to use those times as a learning opportunity knowing his dad once walked in similar shoes.  He wants a dad who no matter what will have his back and will love him unconditionally. A son needs his fathers to be present and engaged consistently in his life to celebrate mountain top experiences and/or help him navigate through tough times.

Sons need their fathers to be men of character that they can look up to and see great examples of what it means to be a man. They need to learn discipline and humility from their fathers. They need to know that no matter what happens or what they do that they can always come to their fathers and talk it out without judgement.  Our sons need quality time with the man they will model their life after!

Fathers these are very long & demanding lists from our sons and daughters! The great news is that all this hard work, sleepless nights and tears shed will be repaid by the joy you will get in seeing your sons and daughters thrive and live a life they learned from talking and watching you!  There is no more important job in this world than to be an engaged, intentional, passionate and loving father!

Happy Father’s dads!  You got this!

By Dan Holdhusen, Grandfather of three graduates and one currently enrolled in Blue Valley High School

Since the COVID year of 2020, the Father’s Club has annually awarded one recipient its prestigious Shovel Award. This year’s recipient, Clay Norkey, has acted diligently and faithfully in a variety of leadership roles for Blue Valley West Father’s Club over the course of the last several years. The award was presented at a special gathering of the Blue Valley West dads and special guests – including Clay’s wife, Sherri, his parents, and two of his nine children – on May 14, 2024, by Brad Holdhusen, Father’s Club Founder and President. This article includes a video of the presentation in which Holdhusen describes the genesis of and meaning behind the Shovel Award and offers high praise to Clay and his leadership in Father’s Club.

Blue Valley West was the third chapter since the inception of the Father’s Club in 2019, and Clay has been its leader from the beginning. With his last (of nine!) children graduating from West High School this year, he has decided to step aside at the end of this school year. He will be replaced by Kevin Sayland who has been among the core of leaders that are part of the amazing dads at West.

Amazing things happening at Blue Valley West

One of the several testimonies to the amazing things the BVW Father’s Club has done was chronicled in an earlier blog. For the past four years, dads have headed up the concession sales for Blue Valley West’s home football games. This activity provides some of the funding that is then used to organize and host events throughout the year at West, which include a litany of creative events that are organized and carried out by Father’s Club dads. Clay has led the planning and conducting of these myriads of activities that have earned the affection of students, teachers, administrators, and others involved in the life of the campus.

Saylan, Danny Mayer and Dan Viall constitute the core of leadership that makes things happen at BV West. They and many other fathers have become involved supporters and doers in serving and contributing to the enthusiasm and richness of the life and culture of the school. Like Clay, each of these dads has a title or role in serving in the Father’s Club mission. But they would all quickly say that they cannot do what they do without Clay’s inspiring and dynamic leadership that creates community. That leadership is how things get done.

Consider some of the activities the Father’s Club conducts during the school year that contribute to the quality of life and positive relationships on West’s campus. Besides the concession activities in the fall, the group also leads and participates in:

• Spring Prom activities;
• School Assemblies;
• Senior Movie Night;
• Hosting a Wild Way Coffee event for teachers;
• Jaguar Grill to provide lunch to students and teachers;
• Fist Bumps for Food (FB4F) events;
• Senior Sunset…and the list goes on.

Clay Norkey’s Impact

In many ways, Clay Norkey’s fingerprints appear on all of these activities. Most notably, you will find him with sleeves rolled up to be an integral part of each event. As if his life wasn’t already busy enough with being a dad for nine children, practicing law, and serving on the Blue Valley School Board, according to Saylan, Clay continually practices the Father’s Club mantra of “#Justshowup”, which, of course, provides inspiration for so many West dads to be part of what’s going on at the school.

This statement from Dan Viall captures the essence of the character and leadership of Norkey: “A lot of people know him as a chapter lead and civic leader, but very few know how much time and effort he spends doing tireless and thankless work behind the scenes…” Danny Mayer adds that “Clay is a staple inside (BVW Father’s club). He’s always present and available to help and engage with dads, faculty, and students.” Kevin Saylan praises Clay’s value to the organization with this statement: “Clay is and was the backbone of BVW Father’s Club. His leadership, energy, and passion inspired, not only me, but others to become part of Father’s Club.”

As noted earlier, Clay will be stepping away from the Chapter Chair position which he has held since Father’s Club inception. However, true to his character, he will continue to be in the middle of activity at Blue Valley West in the years to come.

We pay tribute to Clay Norkey, the 2024 Shovel Award winner!

By Jim Bradford, Chapter Co-Chair at Mission Trail Middle School for Father’s Club

From the moment our children are born, we’re waiting for the firsts. Their first word. Their first step. Their first tooth.

A parents’ world revolves around the firsts. They’re never ending and never get old.

No one wants to miss those firsts, either. Witnessing every single one of those firsts is a right of passage for every parent. You never want to be the one to say, “Oh, I can’t believe I missed it!”

Parents are wired to remember, and celebrate, the firsts.

But in time, those first become lasts. That’s a whole other set of emotions, right?

Along that road from first to last is the middle and that’s where Father’s Club flourishes. That’s part of the reason we’ve begun opening Father’s Club chapters at the middle school level in Olathe, to be sure we help fill that gap. More are coming, too. Additional chapters at middle schools in Olathe,  Blue Valley and North Kansas City are set to begin in the fall.

And as we look to help fill those gaps – the middles – it’s the work we do at the middle school level that can be the most important. That’s where we build the base for being a positive influence, being present in the lives of these students.

While our impact at the high school level is important, getting the buy-in from impactful dads at middle school is paramount.

At the elementary level in Olathe, we’re able to connect with our students and so many others through the Watch D.O.G.S. program, even if for just one day a year, maybe two. But after that, there wasn’t anything in place for dads to do to stay involved.

Enter Father’s Club at the middle school.

Keeping dads engaged immediately after their kids leave elementary school makes for a much easier transition to Father’s Club at the high school level. Making an impact immediately at middle school keeps the train moving into high school, helping to eliminate the need for so much recruitment of dads when high school starts. The dads are already involved, engaged and ready to step in and continue making that impact, being present for all the kids.

The mission of Father’s Club is no different at middle school than it is at high school. We strive to be intentional in everything we do for the students, fellow dads and everyone within our community, but that intentionality just might mean a little bit more to 11-, 12- and 13-year-olds.

You never know when that subtle interaction can become that perfect elixir to brighten someone’s day or spark something. We may not be moving mountains, but what we can do is be there to support their journey. No one’s journey is the same. And sometimes the middle of that journey can be the toughest part. It’s easy to start and once you’ve got it figured out, the ending comes flying at you at 80 miles and hour.

It’s in the middle where most of the hard work is done and that’s when Father’s Club can lend support to these kids. They need it. And they may not even know it.

Let’s not let the things in the middle get overlooked and slip away.

Our role is two-fold, really. We want to be there for them as they get knee-deep in the middle and, second, we want to set the foundation for our high school Father’s Club. It’s there where we help them get to the lasts before they walk across that stage and embark on some new firsts.

If you want to get involved, or know someone who might be able to make a difference at either the middle school or high school level, you can find some more great info about Father’s Club here!